The Financial Crisis Was Your Fault

by Nathan Lindberg 

Whose fault was the financial crisis? Look no further than the mirror you’re lying under. We are all to blame for the financial crisis, but especially you. It’s time you faced it. You caused the financial crisis.

Sure you want to blame high profile players like Countrywide CEO Angelo R Mozilo who not only orchestrated one of the biggest financial disaster in the world, but skipped away with a 57 million dollar bonus by doing so. Sure you want to rant and rave against the financial “gurus” who played public companies like slot machines. But it’s time to confess. We all did it. All you have to do is listen to the sophisticated TV people trained to never say “um.” They’ll tell you that we were all the greedy. We all wanted to make money. We all wanted to get rich. And we all bundled subprime loans which we sold off as falsely labeled triple A bonds. We are all to blame. Especially you.

Take a deep breath. I know how you feel. Right now you are trying to say Goldman Sachs were the ones who sold shares of subprime bundled loans that they themselves were betting against with an innovative scheme called credit swap defaults. But face it. We were all greedy. We all wanted EZ money. And we all invested in company retirement funds. Especially you. You saved every month, thinking matching 401K contributions were going to make you as rich as a Bernie Madoff pre-prison gala. Your greed to retire at 65 caused this mess. You did this, and you have to pay.

Still in denial? Still blaming the Wall Street fat cats?

Now, now, just because the bankers are doing great again, and their bonuses are back with a vengeance. It does not give you the right to blame them for your troubles. Do you know how bad that can make them feel? When they drive by protesters, they have to lock their Carrera doors and tip extra at valet just to ensure their safety. It’s truly awkward for them at times. Think about it. They worked hard to have their fathers pay for their elite schooling and be nurtured by some of the most pompous fraternities. Clearly they deserve bonuses bigger than your, your extended family’s, and miscellaneous friends’ yearly salaries put together. Think about it. If they didn’t get those lard-laden bonuses, they might just quit and work somewhere else – like the Mafia. Then where would we be? No more innovations like exchange traded derivatives used to make money off the real estate crash. Don’t blame the Wall Street fat, bloated, gaseous cats. Can’t you see now – it’s all your fault.

Now that you’ve read it in a blog, I think you get the picture. If you really want to protest, stand outside your own house with some hate sign and yell at yourself. You’re the one who didn’t bother to investigate exchange traded derivative contracts. You’re the one who allowed hedge funds to go unregulated. You’re the one who wanted to retire at some point before death. Now, the real question is, what are you going to do about it? Well, I would suggest you do what you do best. Work hard, save your money, and please, give it to the people who know how to deal with these things. Then relax and leave the rest to them.   

by Nathan Lindberg